Bistro Elan [Palo Alto]

2009.01.03
Bistro Elan [Palo Alto]
***

I don't usually write bad reviews, not because I don't want to be mean, but rather good food is way more fun to write about and I'm lazy enough with that as is. But today I'm in the mood for a scathing review befitting our latest dining experience.

This place has been on our list for a while, since it's one of only very few "high end" western food places close to us, and it was on the zagat guide even though I despise that most pedestrian & trashy of food guides. Today we were in the area for errands so we thought, might as well.

Before I dig into the food, just have to mention our waitress was ok. Charming french accent. But onto what matters most.

I was already suspicious of the yawn-inducing menu with its extremely usual list of suspects. In this case my instinct said it was not going to be a case of "simple and sublime". So I went with only a petrale sole and a side of spinach (what could go wrong with that right), and A chose the most interesting looking item from the special menu, a potato waffle with smoked salmon, along with a stuffed pork shoulder (with ground pork & fennel).

First test is the bread and butter. Zero taste bread, and waaay salty butter. Unless they're churning their own butter, I can't see how that could even happen.

2 slices of textbook smoked salmon covered the entire waffle, it could've been a brick underneath and we wouldn't be able to tell by looking. I liked the waffle, he liked the fish, but the little pile of cucumber on the side was way too salty. Five dollars of sauteed spinache came in at half a medium bowl, unseasoned! The kitchen actually sprinkled salt on it after cooking. So I had flakes of salt crusted spinach alongside other leaves with no taste at all.

Main courses. First off, plates were not warmed. My sides were nearly cool already upon arrival but my fish was just-off-the-pan searing hot. Roasted cauliflower florets were cut much too tiny, and bore no flavor (I understand cauliflower is hard to roast, but if you are going to offer it on the menu, I'm going to have expectations.). There was a run of lemon juice running through my plate which didn't mix with any other jus so I had bites of really sour taste and bites otherwise. The fish was sole, so I wasn't expecting it to have big flavors and it didn't surprise me.

I had a bite of A's pork after he complained of a nasty flavor, was ok to me. But by the time we switched plates (about 5 minutes in), his food was already cold, so no more eating.

After that, we weren't going to tempt fate by ordering dessert.

It's a sad state of affair that this was rated so highly on yelp. Perhaps it tells of the reviewers. Of the 5 tables seated around us, at least 3 ordered steak and fries, with one of the tables questioning the waitress "what is a sauce bearnaise". Another guy started with a salad with "sauce on the side". Anecdotal I know, but I have to extrapolate.

We discussed how it is that all the good stuff can be so concentrated up in the city and north bay, and we get not even table scraps down here (ethnic food not withstanding). If you have a bad dish or a bad ingredient for the day, understandable. If your plates come out cold and you don't know how to *season* food, that writes off the whole restaurant immediately for me. We shall not be returning.

$73 for 2